Well, it's official...I've got something the size of a grain of rice, with a heartbeat, growing in my body. I'm in shock. I'm still sort of speechless and keep getting a little confused when people congratulate me. In part because it all seems so surreal, but also because I don't feel like I did anything. I mean, the room was already empty, sperm go where they're gonna go, ovulation happens, and the rest is all magic. I didn't even plan all that well considering I scheduled this whole thing around my vacation. In the end, nature prevailed and cells divided. Meanwhile, I worked, ate, slept, worked, ate, slept, and, just like in Jack's story, when I wasn't looking, the bean grew.
Kate was there for the ultrasound which was wonderful. I am so grateful to her and I couldn't have imagined seeing that tiny heartbeat for the first time without her. Having her there made it much more real, but also VERY surreal. As I lay on the table I thought, "Oh my god, I'm looking UP at her from here, instead of looking DOWN on her and her big belly!". Then I thought, "Oh my god, that's MY uterus on the screen!".
At first when I saw the tiny flickering, I was sure I had imagined it. It was so early on and I wanted to see it so badly that I figured I had hallucinated it. But then the ultrasonographer saw it, then Kate saw it, then I saw it again...and it was real. A tiny, barely there, flickering. Not even a whole heart, just movement of the early cardiac muscle, but enough to know something real is growing in there. And then the shock set in. How could this actually have worked? How could this have happened so soon?? How could I actually be growing a human in me?? WHAAAAT???
I could see the gestational sac that surrounds the baby and the fluid, first - a dark oval in the top of my uterus. Then I could see the yolk sac, which acts as the early circulatory system until the baby develops its own - a bright circle inside the gestational sac. Then, right next to the yolk sac, I saw the flickering. The baby was only visible as a thick triangular shape, the fetal pole, just at the edge of the yolk sac, and that's where the flickering came from. I know there are flippers already, but I can't see those yet.
I know there is a long way to go and that anything could happen, but knowing I can at least get a life started is enough for now. Here's to the future, little one!
 |
| Extreme close up (not mine!) |
 |
| Gestational sac (that's my uterus!) |
 |
| Yolk sac |
 | ||
| Fetal pole (that's my baby!) |
No comments:
Post a Comment