Poached, fried, hardboiled??

January 10, 2013

So, 37 years young =poached eggs.

Hopefully they are not, but over 35 and things get a bit sketchy. I have high hopes, but also know how these things can go. In light of my geriatric realities,  I am throwing everything at the process - acupuncture, massage, herbal whanots, vitamins, cutting out caffeine and red meat, limiting dairy, meditation/visualization etc. Frankly, I could probably stand to do most of these things anyway just for my own physical and mental health. I REALLY don't want to go anywhere near fertility drugs or in vitro. I am giving this 6 months and then...well, I don't really know. I have been taking birth control pills for many years to eliminate my periods (I am all about better living through chemistry) so I don't really know what my cycle is like, or if I even have one. So far, this last month, everything has happened within a normal time frame. Stopped pills, had bleeding, positive ovulation predictor on day 15, regular period starting at day 31 for a 15 day luteal phase. I have NEVER been happy to get my period until this month, but this time I was SO excited because it means I may have a shot at trying in just a few weeks! It's all very exciting and mind boggling. In some ways I feel very prepared, but in others not at all. I guess that's normal. I always thought I would feel so sad doing this alone, but 1.) I don't at all so far, and 2.) I'm not really alone. My wonderful community, my family of origin and my family of choice have all been so supportive and excited! I can always find someone to talk to when I'm feeling crazy or excited or overwhelmed or confused.

I feel like I have become the most boring person ever, as ALL I think about are my ovaries. It's really crazy how all-consuming this is. I sort of knew, but I never really realized how much brain and soul go into this stuff. I think this whole adventure is going to be amazing. I will get to be my own anthropologist/observer.  As much as I know the potential emotional dangers in putting the horse before the cart, it's seemingly impossible not to. Secretly I have picked out names (which, by the way, is one awesome part of being a single mom by choice...I get to pick them all by myself, no input!) and I have dreams of a daughter.

My new mantra is "Believe in what you want so much that it has no choice but to materialize."