If you stay, the fireflies become fireflies again, not part of your stories, as unaware of you as sleep, being beautiful and quiet all around you. -Marilyn Kallet

February 16, 2013

I appear to still be pregnant, so that's nice. I've lost 5 lbs because it turns out you can do that if you decrease your portion size by half and don't eat snacks...but this only works if you're not hungry and/or slightly queasy. Everyone keeps asking about my boobs, but they don't hurt. So now I'm worried they should. Let the crazymaking continue! 

I am having an ultrasound next week to see what's growing in there. NO, this is not strictly medically necessary, but it feels important to me and I have access to some free care at my office. If anything happens early on in this pregnancy, I want to know that something was growing in there at some point...just so I know it can happen again. I will be 5 weeks and 6 days when I have it, so there are three possibilities for what I will see: 1.) A not growing gestational sac  2.) A growing yolk sac and/or fetal pole, but no heat beat yet  3.) A fetal heart beat.  I'm doing it a bit early so Kate can come down to be there with me, so I know we're both hoping to see a little beating something in there. If it turns out that things are growing but it is too early for a heartbeat yet, I will just wait and see how things progress. I feel strangely un-nervous about it. This all just feels right, so I keep thinking it must be moving forward as it should. Maybe I'm just silly or naive, but that's ok too.

I skyped with my host family today and told them. Thea turns 69 today so it seemed like a nice time to give her some fun news. Haite says he is ready to be a grandpa (Opa) and is very excited the due date is in October as that is his, both my host-sister's, and Mollie's birth month. I told Thea I hope it is a girl and she replied, "Oh, poor Haite!". Both my fathers are doomed/blessed to only have women around them forever. 

Speaking of which, I do hope it is a girl. I have wanted a daughter since I was 5. But, while the idea of a son used to terrify me, I have had so much fun helping raise up Eliot, Quinn, Gus, and the triplets that I feel much better about that possibility. As Anya pointed out, the world needs more good men raised by lesbians. I think she is right. I have a name picked out for both (that I won't be sharing with anyone) so I'm at least that ready for either one.

Fingers crossed for next Tuesday!