January 20, 2013
Tomorrow is the big day. Tomorrow is my first shot at this baby making business. It finally came. It feels like it has been forever, but it's only been a month and a half. I'm pacing around tonight, picking things up and putting them down again, packing and repacking for my night at the Kim's tomorrow, starting to watch TV and then losing track and wandering away, trying to read unsuccessfully.
I am full of nervous energy and really excited. Mostly excited. I just hope my optimism and hope and belief are not just naivete or foolishness. I guess it's like love in every other form...if you're gonna fall, fall hard and fast. If it doesn't work out the way you thought, it won't kill you and you are guaranteed to walk away with new experience in your pocket.
My cervix has actually gotten noticeably softer and a little more open, which feels promising. Mucous improving. I think the time is coming.
The imagery I've been going with is that while there are at least a dozen eggs all trying to mature fast enough to get popped out, the one who gets her party shoes on fastest will be THE lady of the hour. With a loud "Ta Da!" she will pop out, party shoes strapped on, ready to roll!
Jodi just gave me a beautiful card that says, "One of the most difficult things we can do is to show our true selves to the world. Yet, you found the courage to say, "this is who I am." We think it's actually meant to be a coming out card (who knew they made those?), but the sentiment felt right. So here I am universe, here I am announcing myself to you.
I am a mother to be.
I will fall asleep tonight believing in what I want so much, that it has no choice but to materialize.
ps Someone really needs to get me these UH-mazing shoes from Camper!!
(Midwives, please ignore the 2 sperm-1 egg situation)
1-leave it to you to come up with the party girl with fabulous party shows scenario for your egg :) 2- the shoes are uh-mazing
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